Not Good For Business Column

Publishers at the local Pulitzer Prize Finalist have installed a new columnist on the business page but eschew the effort of editing or screening his very strange work.

The columnist leads twice in one sentence with his own sense of great amazement (“Ingenuity never ceases to amaze me, and I found myself amazed ...”) at a antique emporium owner who “controls the pricing system in her shop.”

Her pricing system is like wild horses, reined to orderly submission? Well, no. Over New Year’s, she discounted items with silver or gold on them and intends to run a red-discount promo on Valentine’s day. The columnist who finds himself amazed thinks her gimmick would have eliminated the tedium -- “30 to 60 hours” of effort -- he used to endure whenever the manager of a grocery store where he worked 20 years ordered him to change price stickers on baby food jars.

Strained peas 50 percent off for St. Patrick’s Day? Sorry, Joe. That’s not a pricing system. It’s a gimmick, a come-on, a loss leader, maybe. No retailer in the country calls carrots for half price on Halloween a pricing system.

Engulf Murals and Insult Italians

The Pulitzer Prize Finalist’s business columnist next goes all quivery over food. “When you’re in Arcadia ... and your excitement level is on high,” he pants, visit the Italian restaurant where “you will engulf the scenery of wonderful murals.”

If engulfing a mural or two isn’t enough reason to visit the eatery, Pulitzer Prize Finalist’s business columnist reports all during his meal he heard “a little Italian voice” in his head. In case readers are incapable of imagining a little Italian voice, he spells it out in his most culturally demeaning, stereotyped dialect: “Dat’s a good! Momma Mia Dat’s a big a pizza pie. Dat’s a Taste of Italy ...”

Sorry, Joe. I don’t think this is going to make the Sun a contender this year, either.

Non-sequitur Series for the New Year ...
The uncropped photo is of a very large woman holding very small dog, both staring into the camera. The cutline:

Come on down to meet Micro. He will start your New Year out right. Micro ... requires some attention at home, as he is not house-trained. If you think Micro would be the solution to your New Year's resolution, visit him at DeSoto County Animal Services kennels.

And how, exactly, will visiting a dog who pees on the rug start my New Year out right?

We'll overlook time problem; for most of us, the New Year started last week.

It just takes a while to catch up way out here, where according to this morning's screamer, the City Prepares for 2008.