Friday, May 9, 2008

Plagiarism for Mom


Speaking of Lake Placid Journal, its viewpoint page carries a regular column by Mat Delaney “From the Porch.” This week, it's his panegyric to mothers. The column carries his by-line and no other source is listed, which tells readers he alone composed “Moms Have the Toughest Job in the World."

Since the praise from his pen sounded a bit familiar, Old Word Wolf went prowling on the Internet, and guess what she found.

Delaney seems to have posted his piece all over the ’net -- since at least back in 2005 on the Izania Web page for the Black Business Community, where he called it The Hardest Job on the Planet.

At about the same time, Delaney seems to have posted it anonymously at Kentucky Moms. Not to leave the kids out, Delaney seems to have posted it again over at site called Super Kids Education Software. And then again at Super Laugh as Mom's Resume.

Do I believe Delaney actually wrote his little essay “From the Porch?” Of course not. He wrote it from the Internet. Just because of its coincidentally great name, Chaotic cheats.com, I'm going to use its text for the line-by-line comparison. Here goes.

Mommy Job Description?
Cheats: POSITION : Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma
Delaney: I’ve often said that being a mother has to be the toughest job in the world. At the least it must be near the top of the list. Ever wonder what the job description for a mom would look like. Maybe something like this: POSITION: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma.

Cheats: JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
Delaney: JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, challenging work in an often chaotic environment. Must possess excellent communication and organizational skills. Must be willing to work variable hours, which include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required; travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Cheats: RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys , and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Delaney: RESPONSIBILITIES: This is a lifetime position with few monetary rewards. Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule yet be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case the screams from the backyard are screams of distress. Must be willing to face technical challenges such as sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Floor maintenance and janitorial work an essential part of job. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for all ages. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of cheap plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Cheats: POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION : Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
Delaney: POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: None. A mother’s job is to remain in the same position, without complaining. But she is expected to constantly update skills to cope with ever-evolving issues.

Cheats: PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
Delaney: PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. But on-thejob training offered on an exhausting basis.

Cheats: WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
Delaney: WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Pay? Moms don’t get paid. In fact, they frequently offer bonuses to their children. A balloon payment is due when the kids turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.

Cheats: BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right. Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated. Plus, being a mother, I'm too tired to type everyone's name.
Delaney: BENEFITS: No health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered. But the job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and unconditional love. There is no retirement option.

Now, Delaney made a few tweaks and moved around a line or two. But to OWW's mind that's just evidence of trying to cover his tracks.

Shame on any journalist plagiarising anytime. Somehow it seems even more reprehensible to plagiarise one's praise of motherhood.

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